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Yotsuba Society

A website devoted to documenting and preserving the history of the imageboard/*chan culture/scene.

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Author's note: The following is a work of satire and commentary of the game war between Battlefield 3 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 between EA Games and Activism. This article does not mean any intent to disrespect any active, reserved, or retired solider in the United States Armed Forces or the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation.

With almost two months of combat operations in the Eurasia Theater in World War III against the Russian Federation and sometime after our deployment in the Karkand front, I like to report on the behavior and tactics on both the US Marines and the US Rangers against the Russian Army. Since the US Rangers are dealing with the Russian Army in the US Front and are sharing the same areas in the Theater against the Russian Federation Army, we allowed them to assist us during the War.

In the various areas of operation in the Eurasia front the Rangers lead the way in the amount of enemies routed and neutralized, sometimes upwards of 30 to 40 casualties to the enemy per battle. They seem to be proficient with all the weapons they can use. From machine guns, sniper rifles, carbines, and assault riffles. They’re able to down an enemy within 2 to 4 shots with any weapon they carry.

However, when it comes to the actual missions, it’s the exact opposite. When it comes to objectives such as capturing a flag or arming an m-com they usually ignore them, and focus on their strengths. As a matter of fact, they don’t know how to arm an m-com, they can defend an m-com but they can’t arm to blow or disarm an m-com if it stared at them in the face.

As for vehicles, they don’t know how to drive them. Helicopters, jets (can’t blame them, but they are very difficult to control), but even tanks. Yes, tanks they do not know how to drive a tank. They know how to destroy a tank if you give them a chance. But they are able to shoot as gunners in any stationary weapon either alone or moving in a vehicle. But even in jeeps they have a inability to drive for shit.

On the flip side the US Marines were able to help the US Rangers in their need for reinforcements and much needed training in urban warfare situations in the US and Europe. However despite this there is one common thing that stands out from the US Rangers, racist and homophobic trash talk. While they’re decent soldiers, they talk as it they have 13 year olds with potty mouths. Not to mention they’re also disrespectful to their rules of engagement by way of “teabagging” after killing an enemy solider.

However, the older members of the US Rangers and US Marines don’t suffer from the same phenomenon as the young soldiers, but they have the same strengths and weaknesses as the younger members. In addition, US Military Intel has detected that the Russian Federation Army Marines and their Special forces have the same problems we have.

Signed, Staff Sergeant 2 Star - US Marine Ndee “Jkid” Okeh (YSJkid@gmail.com)